Today, I am the grat seventeen.
Now, birthdays have never had any kind of importance to me; it's just another day of the year.
April fourth. Right between April 3rd and April 5th. Just another day. Just another Monday.
I never ask for gifts. I have all I could ever want need. I don't need anything else. A book? It will be read once, twice maybe, three times if it's lucky, then tossed aside, sitting on the shelf, waiting. Clothes? $20 shirt that will last me, how long? Maybea a year? Two if lucky? I'm a growing girl. Dinner and a movie? I will digest the meal; it will be gone in less than 24 hours. The movie, less than that. I don't like movies all that much anyhow.
See, I like durability. And you. You are forever.
I hate being told how to do things.
How to live my life fits into this category.
Please don't teach me how to do something if I don't want to be taught.
I'm independent and need to learn on my own.
Don't tell me to come to school everyday. You're the last person who should be saying anything about attendance.
This stress sucks.
Last night I finally got home around 11ish and in bed by 11:15. I was overtired, as I wake up every morning at five. I was running on no sleep from the night before. When I am incredibly overtired, I can't sleep. I toss and turn for hours on end. I think about the day and stress builds up. I can't think straight. I cry. When I finally do fall asleep hours later, I have terrible night terrors. I don't sleep soundly when I become overtired. When I rise the next morning, I am not rested. Thrashing around all night leaves me worn out. The few hours of sleep I do get are filled with horror. This creates more stress, I can't sleep the next night, i become even more overtired.
Thus begins the vicious cycle of tech week.
No sympathy. I'm not asking for some slack. If anything, I need more work. no matter how much I complain, I need this.
Once I get too stressed out, I may stay home for a day. And sleep. Night after night of fucking terrors is stressful.
HOLY SHIT WHAT A FREAKING CONCEPT.
THINK before you say shit.
I didn't skip oyut on the concert.
How many court cases have you skipped out on? Who's done all of the work for them?
This is bullshit. I don't need your bullshit. Not a necessity, not a want.
An apology would have been nice, but I'm obviously not getting that.
'You don't understand'?
You're the one not understanding.
It's 11:18, and I don't have a water bottle. WHERE IS MY WATER BOTTLE.
I spent a good majority f the morning designing a Minecraft castle. On paper.
I drew a blueprint or a Minecraft castle.
OH. DEAR. JESUS.
I. AM. A. NERD.
It's going to be AWESOME, though. Kind of a mid-evil town kind of thing. Book cases and cows and sheep and pigs and chickens and a castle and ohmygoodnessthisisgoingtobegreat.
I can't decide what the castle itself is going to look like. I have designed the walls and how large the surrounding barrier is going to be, but I can't pick a castle design.
NERD.
Waterbottlenowplease.
Going to grab one. CLASS. HURRAH.
Oh jesus. I'm blogging about Minecraft.
I mean, I guess it isn't so bad that I am doing this.
I have time to kill at school and I haven't blogged in a while.
Huh. It was only a matter of time.
I'm currently reading about Minecraft circuits. Redstone Circuits.
Oh jesus. I don't know if I can manage this. I mean, I have at least three 64 sections or Redstone, but this looks really complicated. I'm sure it's not this hard.
But I found more diamond yesterday. I want to say I have ten diamonds now, give or take. Maybe eight or nine.
Iwanttoplayrightnowohmygod.
I think when I get home I will make cake. I have a bunch of eggs and wheat. I may need some sugar, though. (Although I have sugar cane, let alone a sugar cane farm, so that is not an issue.)
OHOHOH. Devon and I were talking Minecraft last night at rehearsal, and apparently, if you collect lava in a bucket and put it in the furnace, it last for like, two hundred and some odd uses.
OHMYGOODNESS. I will never use coal in the funace again. Although, I don't like to waste furnace energy, so I will need a whole bunch of stuff to melt down, but still. Plus, you loose the bucket, so maybe it isn't such a good idea. But, I mean, I can always make more buckets, right? I just need a BUNCH of iron. Like, an entire chest full before I try this out.
(Note: I just found it on the wiki. It can burn 100 blocks, as apposed to the coal's eight.)
Sometimes this game pisses me off. But I love it.
WHY DO I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH.
Last night, I had a dream.
About you.
The first in a long time.
It was so ridiculously peaceful.
We were aged ever so slightly. Maybe three years out of college.
In the dream, I awoke. I heard your laugh from the kitchen, along with another smaller giggle.
I got up, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth. (This was dumb, as it was morning and I was really hungry.) There was one sink, two toothbrushes. Two deodorants, two lotion bottles.
I stretched and walked into the kitchen. There you were, sitting at the kitchen island with our nine-month-old son, laughing at the cheerio's he is sticking on his and your face, sprinkled on the ground. We all laugh with joy at our happy little family, at the beautiful morning, at the love we all share.
Good morning.
It's been.... a week.
I can't explain it.
Sometimes I absolutely love you, want to spend every milasecond with you.
But then you trot off to the other room to play a game with another girl (one you probably love/ed).
I don't care that you play, hell I support it.
But if I am lower than it, then I don't know if I can do this.
Want to watch me grow up? Watch me walk out the door.
Who am I kidding, I'm not going anywhere.
I will always be laying in the other room while you play games.
Lately I've felt I haven't been able to do anything right.
Last semester I was doing quite well in all of my classes. This semester, I'm doing.... average.
I'm doing just fine in Plant Science. My veterinary grade is slipping ever so slightly.
I'm not doing the greatest in Spanish. I mean, I know it all generally, but my spelling sucks and I can never remember everything. Thus far I have two chapters of flashcards, about 200 words.
I wake up two and a half hours early every morning to try to get them down.
Capital of Honduras? Teg. Capital of Cuba? Lima. Capital of Uruguay? Montevido.
¿Como se iiama? Me iiama es Lolita.
That's probably completely wrong.
The spelling is what's getting me. Veinte, especially.
It's supposed to be 'i before e,' and that's throwing me off.
I know the months, though. And days of the week.
El es sabado de doce de febrero de dos mil y once.
Boyah.
Still no friends. So, there's that.
On the plus side, I am kind of starting to be better in U.S. History? Except, not really.
This family depends on me, and it's not easy. I'm 16-years-old, buying cat food, toilet paper, and all the groceries out of my wallet.
And I'm starting to get low on money. I'm worried.
This is my life. Hurray, 2011.
