The number 8

18 posts in 2011 (this will make 19).
81 posts in 2010.
8 posts in 2009.
8 dates with you. (Net dates, I will call them. Sure, you only showed up to two of them. Net.)

Weird. But not really.

Sleepy.

You know what, let's talk about that.
Yeah, I have had six dates solo.
I don't care.
Things happen.
Excuses, excuses.

Last night sucked.
Yeah, I am greatful that I will get to see you at all.
I mean, I'm fine with a blown off date every once in a while, I understand that things come up.
But when it's six in a row, SIX, then you tell me it can only be for such a short amount of time.
It hurt.
If we were both so busy that we could never see each other and that half hour was it, I could deal with that and i would be more than ecstatic.
But you've skipped out six times.
It's like I'm not worth it.
I am excited to see you, every time.
I hide it so you won't see how hurt I actually am.

I am not some little sissy girl.
But I have my moments.
Where I just want to be with you, to hold you hands, see your smile, hear your laugh.
If I continue to build myself up for every time you say we are going to do something,
and you continue to have excuse after excuse,
and I get crushed time and time again,
where would I be?
I wouldn't be able to get out of bed.

I just, I don't know.
I want to know everything about you.
I want you to open up to me.
To not be afraid to tell me what is running through your head at any given moment.
How every moment of your day was.
I want you to know everything about me.
My love of The Mountain Goats, Brett Dennen, Sia, Ok Go, Little Shop of Horrors, Neil Pattrick Harris, magic tricks, blogging, birds, Doctor Who, Dr. Horrible, my brother.
How there is a weird warmth surrounding my hands when I type.
How I find my music.

Maybe these are things for my blog, not for real life.
Where is the line drawn?
Between blog and real life.
It's thin, I can tell you that. And it blinks.
Ha. Get it.

.....

Well, just read that back. To post or not to post, that is the question.
Of course I'm going to post. I always post.
It's a rule.
But my list of things I love.
So lame.
But it's true. I don't have many loves. Those are some.
No matter how obscure.
Well, those ones, not so obscure.

On birds:
I nearly got hit by a car the other day.
There was a bald eagle (I swear!) downtown the other day.
I was busy identifying it while walking across the street.
(It pooped on my shoulder.)
And this truck comes out of nowhere.
Probably over reacting, I crossed in pleanty of time.
It was just so weird.
What was a bald eagle doing in the middle of downtown Nashua?