So, hey blog.

Let me tell you about my night.

I was lying in bed, reading Hoot, when I hear my dad call for me.
Now, mind you, it's 11:30 at night.
He tells me that the cat got out.
She's an indoor cat and likes to climb trees.
And not just ten foot trees that I can climb and carry her down.
No, I'm talking four-story trees with absolutely no bottom branches until, say, 2/3 of the way up.
I walk back upstairs and grab my dinosaur flashlight. Important detail? No, but I like my flashlight.
I end up walking around the block in boxers and a t-shirt with this flashlight that roars, looking for a cat.
I find her chasing around another cat. Awesome.
I pick her up, and begin walking back to my house.
Once I enter the door, my dad sees me holding the brat, he yells "GIVEHERABATH."
No breath. One, angry word.
So, reluctantly, I walk with her upstairs, and into the bathroom.
Of course, the cat begins to go crazy, because she's not a fan of baths.
Obviously. She's a cat.
I fill the tub and give her a bath.
Oddly enough, she begins to... like it.
And she swims around, like it's no big deal.
She's just purring and swimming around, and I am incredibly confused.
We finish the bath, I rap her up in a towel, and take her to my room.
So, I'm sitting on my bed with a wet cat wrapped in a towel, and she falls asleep.
She falls asleep.
Really?
So, I wake her up, and think, 'hey, Samanatha is asleep. I think it's time for some payback.'
I stand up with the cat in my arsms, open Samantha's door, and jump on top of her bed.
Stick the cat in her face, and laugh histerically when she wakes up screaming.
Eventually, the cat and I go back to my room so I can brush her. It's about 1 A.M now.
She likes being brushed, but after a few minutes, she absolutely freaks out and attacks the brush and my hand.
Needless to say, I get angry at her and open the door.
She leaves.
A few minutes later, she's meowing apologeticlly at my door.
This goes on for a few minutes, until somehow she opens the door.
She walks up to my bed, meows, hops up, and falls asleep on my chest.

Kitty, I can't stay mad at you when you're being adorable.


Did I really just blog about my cat? Really?
This is how pathetic my life has become.
What a weird night.

Oh, the memories.

Ryan and I were talking today, and we stumbled upon the topic of memories.
He asked what my favorite memory was, or something of the sort.
My mind raced.
I remember March 17th, 2003.
In our small little town, in the court room.
I remember grandma leading my sister and I out of the courtroom, where my parents were divorcing.
I remember sitting with her and my young sister.
I remember being held by mom as she cried.
I remember Grammie pulling me away from hugging Mom and Grandma, and even Great-Grandma.
I remember Gandpa's hand on the window as we drove away.
I remember the plane ride, crying.
I remember every summer since fifth grade.
I remember the pouring of the salt into the wounds.
I remember them fighting through me.
I remember feeling unloved, by both of my families. Not from the lack of love or lack of attention, but from the abundance of fighting and bickering.
I remember having to emotionally fend for both my sster and I.
I remember feeling unwanted.

I couldn't remember a single happy thing that has happened in my life.

It's easy to dwell on the bad, the poor, the ugly. But that isn't going to get you anywhere.
There is just so much suck, it looks like it towers over everything else.
But if we could dwell on the possitive as much as we do the negative, that would be fantasic.
Yeah, maybe there is a lot of suck in the world, there always will be.
But if we could just shrug off the suck and focus on the good, things would be better.
Of course, we all have the days when all we can do is dwell on the terrible things, but if you sit back and realize all of the possitives in our lifves, it becomes easier.
A checks and balances for the soul.

It's hard to sound possitive when you feel so negative.
But if one, lonely, 16-year-old girl who has yet to do anything for this world can do it, anyone can.

DFTBA.

The truth.

No, I can't talk to most people in person.
Sucks, but it's the cold hard truth.

You can be mad at me, please complain about me to your next lover. It won't be tough.
Just let her know that your ssmile is poison.
Yes, I've changed a lot. It's what happens when you have months and months of soul searching.
Now that I know you can't stand this, I'm absolutely fine with it. You are not breaking my heart, sweety.


On a possitive note, today has been a fantastic day.
And I have not had a fantastic day in a long, long time.
We went to the library for a concert, Jackie, Ryan and I.
It was nice, quite nice.

Oh:
http://summerlightsdream.blogspot.com/
More on this later.

Rescued by a sinking ship.

Molly and I were conversing the other day.
We were talking about boys.
Cliche. Awesome.
Well,  pretty much it lead to us talking about a person we will henceforth refer to as BOY.
That should work. Yes.
Well, she pretty muc said I need to get over BOY and move on with my damn life.
Yes, this woul be VERY nice, and I would appreciate it a lot.
You know, if I could get over him , and whatever.
But I said something that I found very insightful. (Not to toot my own horn, I would just like to remember it in future days.)
She said I should try liking someone else, which I have, a bit. *fail.*
But whenever I do it feels like I'm being rescued by a sinking ship.
And that's exactly how I feel.
Maybe it'll rescue me for a moment, but we're still going down.

We talked further and came to a few conclusions:
1. I don't expect anything. At all from this boy.
2. Yeah, it is getting old and yeah, I do need to move on.
3. Things are harder said than done.
4. Teenage girls suck and are very cliche.
5. Sometimes I care too much, and other times I don't care at all. I have a whole rainbow of emotions just for you.
6. I was/am a jerk. But I hope I can be a jerk with you.
7. I am a pansy for not actually verbalizing this with you. At all.
8. "We're done with this conversation. You want my pudding?"

Molly....

is doing better, actually. Awesome.
We may go snail hunting this week, if the doctors allow it.
Fingers crossed.

On another note...

I do miss you, a lot.
But I'm not waiting around.
Or something.

Whatever.
Hermitism.

I need some sleep, so here goes nothing.

I can't get over you, all right?
After all of these months, I still miss you.
I still wish we could just nap together.
I wish we could hang out like we used to.
I wish we were as close as we were before.
I'm sorry I was such an ass.
If I could go back and do anything over again, I would fix the end. It was completely my fault for blowing up every single little thing.
I want you back, all right.
And now that you're completely moved on and liking other people and whatever, I miss you even more.
I miss your goofy smile.
I miss the way you used to hold me.
I miss being able to joke around with someone.
I miss, well, everything.
All right?
All right.

I miss you. More than you can even imagine.
And if there is any chance at all, that you see this -I doubt it, but hey, at least I got it out- I will be one happy camper.
Or not. Who cares.
I do. About you.
Whatever, sometimes I get little crushed on other people, but it always goes back to you, and it just sucks.

So there. I hope you're happy.
In general. I hope you're happy.
Always.