Fuck everything.

Don't you dare think of me as a bitch. Ever. You have no right. Compared to what you did to me, I'm a fucking angel. You have no right to do this shit to anyone, for any reason. What reason did you have? I'm a bit younger than you. At least I respected you. I never lied to you. I always told you when there was something wrong. You didn't have the balls to tell me you didn't love me anymore. And that is the lowest of the low. When your friends ask what happened, you better not lie to them either. Tell them the truth. Tell them that you - a supposedly super old super awesome guy who is better than everyone who is a bit younger than you- broke this 18-year old little girls heart because he was too chicken shit to tell her the truth before it was too late, keeping the lies going until the very end. In actuallity, this "young" girl has more guts than you ever will. Tell them you were an ass to her. 
Plus, breaking up over text? Who is the teenage girl here?

Never forget how you felt tonight.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is one month away.
I was trying to think of something I could do for Brian.
I was thinking of getting him a nice present, maybe a sonic toothbrush or another rubiks cube or something.
But nothing felt right.
It all felt very.... commercial.
None of it felt right.
It just felt kike more meaningless shit that anyone could get him.

Then it came to me.

There has been this picture floating around the internet of someone who did this:

It can't be bought anywhere, this person hand made it. (I assume. Looks handmade.)
So I decided to do the same. I dd a rough sketch in my notebook and it looks pretty good.
So tomorrow I am going to go out and get a mug from the dollar tree and do it.
It might not be in color and I will have to wash it forever, but it will be so worth it.
Maybe I'll get a box of chocolate shaped like darth vader too.

I am genuinely excited to give him this.
Handmade with love and whatnot.
I'm even a little emotional about it.
Maybe I'll even get super special water proof paint for it too.
Maybe I'll make one for myself with an angler fish on it. :D

Merp.

I guess I could update.
So, let's get to it, eh? 

Part 1: Not moving.
I'm not sure if I wrote about this, but I was going to be moving in with Brian "just after the holidays." 
So I should already be moved and settled in by now. 
But it didn't work out that way. 
I asked him about it a week or some before christmas and he said something along the lines of he wants to live alone for a bit longer.
It makes sense, it really does. He hasn't lived alone before, thought he would hate it, blah blah blah.
But it hurt. 
It really really hurt.
I got too excited, my hopes built up to much.
And the way he said it, so easily. It was like he didn't really want me to live with him ever.
Like I was just some rebound chick.
And really, I'd be fine with that. If that's what he wanted, just some rebound bitch, that would be fine, I would just want to know.
So I don't look like an idiot.
(Again.)
But the next day he said it was only going to be a month or two. 
I really hope that's the truth. I don't have any reason to not believe him (Except for the bit where I had to ask if he was serious about me moving in.) and I really don't want to get my hopes up like that again.
So I'm not going to get my hopes up.
Which brings me to...

Part 2: Lackluster (the sequel!)
I haven't been excited about anything lately.
Maybe it's fear of getting my hopes up again?
But I haven't been excited or happy or anything about a damn thing.
Which sucks.
I really really REALLY like being excited about things.
It's one of the perks of being a nerd. 
I like that I can get really excited about everything and be open about it.
But there is nothing to get excited about. 
Maybe I just need something awesome to follow through, and that will kind of get me excited about things again.
I'm not blaming getting my hopes up on Brian, don't twist my words.
I totally understand his whole thing about waiting, it makes all the sense in the world.
I just want to be excited about something.

Part 3: Shoes.
I ordered shoes today, from Debs.
They're cute.
I'll put up a picture once I actually get them.
WOO.
I ordered a few bras too. But whatever.

Part 4: Oswin Freaking Oswald.
You know what, this deserves an entire post.
So that's next.

Part 5:
I have nothing else.

Part 6: River Song
is my spirit animal.
That makes sense.
 

Lack luster.

Don't know what's been going on lately. But I have turned into a zombie these past few days.
I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to do much of anything.
I mean, I am sick, but this is ridiculous. 
Even this feels mundane and draining.
I just don't care about anything.

In other news,
I made fudge today.
And I am going to the high school later to bring Samantha and Emily dinner and just kind of bum around.
I am also going to salvo. Because I can.
And it's on the way.
And I want heels.
Meh.

Fuck off, you idiot.

I just want it to be friday.

NaNoWriMo

Only a half hour into November, and I have nearly given up any hope of this.
Well, I absolutely have to participate in some way.
So I will be writing haikus or some other kind of something every single day.
Every. Single. Day.
This month.
Hopefully it will continue past this month.

I don't really have anything else to say.

All her shit in your apartment bothers me.
Just a smidge.
Can handle it.
Meh.
Weird.

END TRANSMISSION.

Well.

The other day, I was sitting on the couch with Brian.
He googled something about names, got nervous that he was googling my name. 
Not that I have something to hide.
Because I don't.
Not a single secret. 

But I got to thinking, what happened when I google myself?

So I did. 
With my name, almost nothing comes up. 
WOO!

But when GoatsJustKid is googled, 
it's pretty much five pages about me.
Which is interesting. 
Mostly Twitter. This blog comes up. That's about it.
But still.
Not actually interesting.
Not really surprising.
Or anything.
Pathetic, is what it is.
What am I doing with my life.

This is pathetic. 
And I do not care.

Huzzah!

Word.

Fucking asshole, cheated again. 
You don't deserve any shits.

This fucker has taught me so much about relationships, though.
 What not to do: 
1. Don't be an asshole.
 -Pretty self explanatory. 

2. Keep. Your. Fucking. Promises.
 - Seriously. Fucker.

That's pretty much.
Except, on a real note, this fucker made me sink back into myself further. 
Like, I feel if I give all of me to anyone, they'll just end up fucking me over. (Repeatedly.) 
He made me fear getting too close to people, which sucks so hard.
That is the real tragedy here.
That he was such an ass to me that I am afraid that everyone else in the entire world is like this.
Which I know isn't true.
But I can't get that feeling out of my head.

The flip side:

How's it going', Brian.
I Google a lot and assume others do too. But probably not. Meh.
Super cute. 

I keep wanting to grow out my hair, thinking it will look like Kimbra, kind of.
But it will just look like Micheal Jackson.
So that's not happening.

My Dalek dress is coming along nicely. Well, I have almost all the supplies for it, and about two weeks to finish it. So. Excited.
I will be putting pictures up throughout the process. 

One of the names I've always liked is Brian, because it is so close to brain.
In fact, nearly every time I type it, I have to switch the letters around. Herp.

I'm going out tomorrow to get baby food plastic containers, super glue, and black fabric. Hurray!
So close to actually having this dress.

I can't et my tablet to work anymore, so I wiped out the Walkman again today.
Gotta say, I really prefer this. 

Pandora really knows what I want to listen to right now. 
Such an awful end to a good day, really needed this.
Mh. 

I'm out of tea.

What was the point of this. 

END TRANSMISSION.