Shaping

There is merely one more day of class. After that, one day of finals. 
Then I never have to go back there again.

Ever.

That is the greatest feeling.

I've gone through so much shit in high school. 
In the public school system in general.
My parents divorced. 
I moved across the country, forced away from the few friends that I had. 
I made a few friends in Washington, but let's be honest.
Nobody liked me. I was the new kid.
The weird kid.
Then father won the custody battle.
I was ripped away from my mother and family.
That is one of the few memories I remember so strongly.
My father's mother pulling me out of my mother's arms.
My mother's father placing his hand on the window, matching mine, as we drove away.
My first plane ride.
One I didn't really understand.
I didn't see my mother again for two and a half years.
It wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault.
The only reason they were ever married in the first place: me.
I started school once in New Hampshire again. 
I made a friend or two. Nothing serious.
I was back to being the weird kid.
The person I would be for quite some time.
I made some friends in middle school.
They all left sooner or later.
I was never afraid to be who I was.
The awkward person didn't need to fit in.
I just needed to be whoever I was going to be.
I tried fitting in for a while. It just didn't work.
So I stopped trying to be that person.
I've had girlfriends, I've had boyfriends.
From Dan to Ryan, Dan to Ryan, Dan to Ryan.
It's been a vicious cycle of boys.
And, holy shit, I deserve to be treated better than that.
It was totally different each time.
The Dan I dated the first time was not the same person as the second time we dated.
Ryan changed drastically from the first to the second time. 
Totally different people each time.
It's crazy how much people change. Not always for the better.
I became homeless.
I moved twelve times in just a few months. 
We still don't really have a place.
No home.
Homeless.
My heart has been homeless since the divorce.
I think that is what has really effected my life the most.
Their divorce.
It would have never had to even begin, if it wasn't for me.
It shaped the way I view the world.

It lets me see all the bullshit for what it really is.


The world is shit.
But I just have to rule it.