The truth.

No, I can't talk to most people in person.
Sucks, but it's the cold hard truth.

You can be mad at me, please complain about me to your next lover. It won't be tough.
Just let her know that your ssmile is poison.
Yes, I've changed a lot. It's what happens when you have months and months of soul searching.
Now that I know you can't stand this, I'm absolutely fine with it. You are not breaking my heart, sweety.


On a possitive note, today has been a fantastic day.
And I have not had a fantastic day in a long, long time.
We went to the library for a concert, Jackie, Ryan and I.
It was nice, quite nice.

Oh:
http://summerlightsdream.blogspot.com/
More on this later.

Rescued by a sinking ship.

Molly and I were conversing the other day.
We were talking about boys.
Cliche. Awesome.
Well,  pretty much it lead to us talking about a person we will henceforth refer to as BOY.
That should work. Yes.
Well, she pretty muc said I need to get over BOY and move on with my damn life.
Yes, this woul be VERY nice, and I would appreciate it a lot.
You know, if I could get over him , and whatever.
But I said something that I found very insightful. (Not to toot my own horn, I would just like to remember it in future days.)
She said I should try liking someone else, which I have, a bit. *fail.*
But whenever I do it feels like I'm being rescued by a sinking ship.
And that's exactly how I feel.
Maybe it'll rescue me for a moment, but we're still going down.

We talked further and came to a few conclusions:
1. I don't expect anything. At all from this boy.
2. Yeah, it is getting old and yeah, I do need to move on.
3. Things are harder said than done.
4. Teenage girls suck and are very cliche.
5. Sometimes I care too much, and other times I don't care at all. I have a whole rainbow of emotions just for you.
6. I was/am a jerk. But I hope I can be a jerk with you.
7. I am a pansy for not actually verbalizing this with you. At all.
8. "We're done with this conversation. You want my pudding?"

Molly....

is doing better, actually. Awesome.
We may go snail hunting this week, if the doctors allow it.
Fingers crossed.

On another note...

I do miss you, a lot.
But I'm not waiting around.
Or something.

Whatever.
Hermitism.

I need some sleep, so here goes nothing.

I can't get over you, all right?
After all of these months, I still miss you.
I still wish we could just nap together.
I wish we could hang out like we used to.
I wish we were as close as we were before.
I'm sorry I was such an ass.
If I could go back and do anything over again, I would fix the end. It was completely my fault for blowing up every single little thing.
I want you back, all right.
And now that you're completely moved on and liking other people and whatever, I miss you even more.
I miss your goofy smile.
I miss the way you used to hold me.
I miss being able to joke around with someone.
I miss, well, everything.
All right?
All right.

I miss you. More than you can even imagine.
And if there is any chance at all, that you see this -I doubt it, but hey, at least I got it out- I will be one happy camper.
Or not. Who cares.
I do. About you.
Whatever, sometimes I get little crushed on other people, but it always goes back to you, and it just sucks.

So there. I hope you're happy.
In general. I hope you're happy.
Always.

Molly, for a lack of a better title.

I was talking with Molly yesterday about what she wished she had done before all of this had started.
She told me about this boy she thought was attractive in her school. She never told him she thought this, so nothing ever happened. She wished she had done something, because you never know what could have been.

I think she's hinting.

Reasons to Happy Dance.

I have two right now.

There were nerds on America's Got Talent last night who made music with LIGHTNING.
I'm as close to love as I'll ever get.

This: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Life/Relationships/Man-Woman/Chubby-men-as-attractive-as-men-with-six-packs/articleshow/5968443.cms
I'm not the only one, eh? (;


Update: Molly hasn't gotten better, but she hasn't gotten worse.

But two happy dances in 48 hours?
That's never happened before.
Get well soon, Molly. Let's make it three.

Molly.

An update:
She isn't doing well.
I got a call from her mom last night saying she wasn't responding well to the chemo, and was having seizures.
Not good.
She also isn't eating very much, but that's obvious.
But still not good.
I didn't sleep last night.
I miss her.
Fingers crossed for a quick and speedy recovery.


P.S. I'm looking for a Tardis for the Molly Adventure (temp. name) this summer.
Anyone know where I can find one?

P.P.S. Who am I kidding. Nobody reads this. I'm just talking to myself via computer.
Hey, it helps get the thoughts out.