Fuck you.
Fuck you.
I hate you more than anything in the world.
I hate you some much that I gave you a nickname.
(T1D, so just Tod.)
It's not funny.
I've never really hated this before.
Tonight is the first time I can remember that I have actually been like,
frustrated, anger, pissed off.
That I fucking have this.
I am actually crying I hate it so much.
I had half a coffee, not even that much sugar.
And my blood sugar is through the freaking roof.
No amount of saltine's is going to help.
And I can't afford insulin.
The way health care works is such shit.
You're healthy? Here is cheap health insurance that you won't really use all that much.
You have some kind of 'issue'? Fuck you. Pay a shit ton and we will barely help you.
Doesn't even make sense.
Can't afford health care alone, let alone the medicine.
I've been able to cope so well.
I don't know what is wrong tonight.
It actually hurts.
My body, my mind, and my spirit.
I don't even know why I keep it such a secret.
[Lie. You know why.]
Yeah. It makes me feel so weak.
It just hurts so bad.
I don't want anyones pity.
It just sucks so hard.
Tod, you are ruining me.
Ok, I don't know if you still use this blog or not, but I've been reading it when I don't have TV to watch. I get the whole: I'm lonely and in the big bad world, thing, but face it honey; you're probably 19 now and you need to get a grip. Hell, I'm only 14, but I have a better view of life than you do, and definitely a more mature one. Plus, you need to sit down and read over the stuff you wrote about in the 2009's or 2010's, because the stuff you wanted then, you probably still want now.
ReplyDelete-- Optimism